Fresh from their victories over smoking, public health groups have a new target – unhealthy food. Stating that taxing and prohibiting anything unhealthy is a logical extension of their attack on smoking, groups now argue that unhealthy food should experience similar taxes to cigarettes. And it’s not likely to stop there…. We spoke to Simon Chin, Director of the American Anti Smoking Society, about these new plans.
Simon Chin, can you tell us why your society is now targetting unhealthy food?
Well, it is a logical extension of taxing cigarettes. I mean, someone obese is just as likely to die young as somone smoking ten cigarettes a day. So why should fatty foods be treated any differently?
So what foods will be taxed?
Well, anything that could be construed as unhealthy, butter, full fat milk, chocolate of course will be heavily taxed, sweets, white bread, …
And what won’t be taxed?
We think pumpkin seeds could be left untaxed, but we are still uncertain as to whether they could be carcinogenic or not.
But surely it is people’s choice whether they eat healthy food or not?
Really, James, just look at the smoking situation. Our taxes on smoking, forcing people to give up because they can’t afford it, preventing people from smoking if they want to see their children – all these prove that people don’t have freedom and choice when it comes to health. You have to be healthy, and that’s all there is to it.
But obesity doesn’t cause harm to third parties like smoking does?
That’s where you are wrong James. We have come up with a new concept called second hand obesity, and also third hand obesity, where we have proved that just by looking at an obese person from across a crowded room you feel sick and you become fatter. Why just the other day I looked at someone fat and I instantly put on several grammes.
Are there any other measures you plan to take?
Yes, fat people will be made to eat outside to reduce the risk of passive eating. We’re planning a new advertising campaign called “You make me sick.” We also plan to go round schools, singling out fat students, pulling them to the front of the classroom and generally encouraging other students to laugh at them.
Surely politicians would never agree to what could be such an unpopular move?
That’s where you are wrong, James. Gordon Brown was sceptical when I first mentioned it to him – until I reminded him about the twelve billion pounds we collect from smoking taxes. Then and this was a pleasure to see, his eye gleamed with joy.
And future areas where people might be taxed?
It’s limitless! Bungy jumping will be taxed for sure, but potentially anything dangerous – walking on a cliff, driving a car, riding a bicycle – we certainly plan a tax on children using playgrounds! I see a world where tax inspectors prowl the streets, instantly fining people who do anything remotely dangerous.
Simon, thank you for your time.
You’re welcome. Would you like a pumpkin seed?
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